10142015
This week, the leaves changed. The bright green chlorophyl seems to have vanished alongside the warm, westerly wind, leaving orange and red pigments amidst the branches. The new cold air serves as a reminder that winter is nigh and the sun will begin to reveal itself less and less.
I am not personally a fan of winter. Maybe it's the frigid temperatures and wind chill against my skin while going for a morning run, or maybe it's the surplus of incompetent drivers that seem to gravitate towards the town where I live. Either way, shovelling your car out of the snow before driving to work at 4:30am is not ideal for any individual. I don't care how keen you are.
But there is also a comfort in the changing of the seasons. As much as I do miss the warm sun on my back, and the feeling of sand between my toes with warm water to submerge myself into periodically, the cold weather is a reminder of the Gods consistency. If for example, one year, winter never showed its face and we skipped to spring, questions would start to arise. In even more basic terminology, if the sun decided not to set one day, wouldn't we wonder what is really going on? But seasons do change, the sun does set, and the cold weather never hesitates to show itself each year with a vengeance.
I've been reminded this last month about Gods consistence in our stages of life. This last year has been a year of watching my grandpa slowly deteriorate day by day. Two good days, one bad day. One good day, one bad day. One good day, two bad days. Now it seems each day is a bad day, and watching someone you love slowly regress and essentially 'give up' on life is not something one would thoroughly enjoy. And it seemed yesterday when pulling him out of bed, he had no use of any part of his body except his voice, to say he was in pain.
For the first time in over 9 years, I relived what it felt like to watch my Dad die. Being utterly helpless and scared. I felt weak, physically and emotionally. I wasn't strong enough to lift him out of that bed, and I wasn't strong enough to watch it all either. It was a cruel reminder of a stage we all inevitably have to face. The first-world just does a great job of allowing us to feel invincible and tricking our minds into thinking we are an exception to the facts of life.
The pain I feel in my heart today is not specifically pointed towards my grandpa. Although a lot of it is, I feel some of it comes from missing my Dad. Another aspect comes from almost losing my Mom. And another aspect comes from the blunt reality that, "life isn't fair, and isn't meant to be." Sin is real, and to float on the idea that everything is supposed to be rainbows and butterflies is setting ourselves up for ultimate failure.
A lot of people wonder why I don't want a big wedding. Or why I've tempted the idea of not having a wedding at all. Maybe it sounds like too many rainbows and butterflies to me. I'm not sure. But I do know that I feel life is bigger than all of these things. That I wouldn't want to lose focus on more important things, like the love for my husband, amidst planning an event that will be over in one day. I crave intimacy. Emotional intimacy. Not festivities, or grand celebrations with all eyes on 'me.'
The other aspect is that life is fleeting. I want my marriage to be about God. I want it to be about Him giving me someone to share my life with. Not about how I've found 'my other half.' Life is too short to make wishes and build dreams on 'having the perfect family, the perfect house, the perfect career.' While all of these things are great, they are also fleeting and can be removed at any time. If we put all of our eggs in that basket, and we lose our basket, what then will we do?
My mission is beyond the stereotype. My mission is to consistently be a child of God, and to help others experience this same relationship. And I would feel beyond blessed if God gave me someone who shares this passion with me, who loves God more than me, and who realises that we are a gift to one other in His time, and in His place.
I am not personally a fan of winter. Maybe it's the frigid temperatures and wind chill against my skin while going for a morning run, or maybe it's the surplus of incompetent drivers that seem to gravitate towards the town where I live. Either way, shovelling your car out of the snow before driving to work at 4:30am is not ideal for any individual. I don't care how keen you are.
But there is also a comfort in the changing of the seasons. As much as I do miss the warm sun on my back, and the feeling of sand between my toes with warm water to submerge myself into periodically, the cold weather is a reminder of the Gods consistency. If for example, one year, winter never showed its face and we skipped to spring, questions would start to arise. In even more basic terminology, if the sun decided not to set one day, wouldn't we wonder what is really going on? But seasons do change, the sun does set, and the cold weather never hesitates to show itself each year with a vengeance.
I've been reminded this last month about Gods consistence in our stages of life. This last year has been a year of watching my grandpa slowly deteriorate day by day. Two good days, one bad day. One good day, one bad day. One good day, two bad days. Now it seems each day is a bad day, and watching someone you love slowly regress and essentially 'give up' on life is not something one would thoroughly enjoy. And it seemed yesterday when pulling him out of bed, he had no use of any part of his body except his voice, to say he was in pain.
For the first time in over 9 years, I relived what it felt like to watch my Dad die. Being utterly helpless and scared. I felt weak, physically and emotionally. I wasn't strong enough to lift him out of that bed, and I wasn't strong enough to watch it all either. It was a cruel reminder of a stage we all inevitably have to face. The first-world just does a great job of allowing us to feel invincible and tricking our minds into thinking we are an exception to the facts of life.
The pain I feel in my heart today is not specifically pointed towards my grandpa. Although a lot of it is, I feel some of it comes from missing my Dad. Another aspect comes from almost losing my Mom. And another aspect comes from the blunt reality that, "life isn't fair, and isn't meant to be." Sin is real, and to float on the idea that everything is supposed to be rainbows and butterflies is setting ourselves up for ultimate failure.
A lot of people wonder why I don't want a big wedding. Or why I've tempted the idea of not having a wedding at all. Maybe it sounds like too many rainbows and butterflies to me. I'm not sure. But I do know that I feel life is bigger than all of these things. That I wouldn't want to lose focus on more important things, like the love for my husband, amidst planning an event that will be over in one day. I crave intimacy. Emotional intimacy. Not festivities, or grand celebrations with all eyes on 'me.'
The other aspect is that life is fleeting. I want my marriage to be about God. I want it to be about Him giving me someone to share my life with. Not about how I've found 'my other half.' Life is too short to make wishes and build dreams on 'having the perfect family, the perfect house, the perfect career.' While all of these things are great, they are also fleeting and can be removed at any time. If we put all of our eggs in that basket, and we lose our basket, what then will we do?
My mission is beyond the stereotype. My mission is to consistently be a child of God, and to help others experience this same relationship. And I would feel beyond blessed if God gave me someone who shares this passion with me, who loves God more than me, and who realises that we are a gift to one other in His time, and in His place.
I don't have anything profound to say, I just want to say, "I read this and I hear you friend."
ReplyDelete