La Bella Vita

If I was asked to name my favorite part of Thanksgiving, I don't think I could decide. The whole Holiday brings an aura to life that can only be experienced by the soul that is truly thankful. The combination of all of the different smells, tastes, feelings, textures leaves the senses almost too overwhelmed to make an accurate comprehension. Yet, amidst all the confusion and madness is a peace that is instilled when you realize another year has gone by and you can still thank God for another day of life. This year I am thankful for many things. I could easily list them all, from the very faintest happenings, to the big blessings that have flowed in abundance into my life. But today I choose to focus on the smaller things. The 'parts' persay that people often forget about. My legs. I love them. They are willing to push through even the roughest conditions to stride another mile. They are a positive system of constant motion and unfailing endurance. I can't imagine wh...

Do you ever feel free? Like no one person, no one word, no one thing can tear you away from your dream? Like the ties of life such as money, expectations and standards are just excuses trying to meander their way into your life? Trying to serve as a driving source to steer you into the ground? These excuses are serving as road blocks, or speed bumps on a journey that you wish to travel on forever. This feeling screams of independence, hope, and trust. It gives me wings. It makes me fearless. It points me in an unknown direction, on a road with no name. It also points me home. Home is that feeling of being me. Of never giving up. Of loving. I hope this never disappears.

I stepped outside. It was cold, dark, and I was alone. The chills of the fall morning could be felt in every sense of my body. I could smell the dew upon the grass. The bite of the winter air left my mouth dry and crisp, with very little taste. As I took a step further I could see the fog rising around as the ground tried to keep itself warm against the piercing air. I could hear nothing. It was quiet and almost as if every animal knew it’s place at this hour, and it’s place did not encompass being outside. It involved being warm, curled up and relaxed on a horizontal plane, as sleep is more inviting in hours such as these. But here I am, 5am, starting my day, alone. What will I do today? Will I finish the project I had set out on a few days before? Will I finish a good book? Will I run for a few hours? Will today be the day that I try to escape this loneliness? I can’t remember the last time I didn’t feel alone. But I was not by any means feeling remorse or regret, especiall...

I'm sitting on a porch in Tennessee watching the sun come up over the woods. The sun is warm on my albino skin and I can smell a new day mixed with wet grass and fresh air. I can feel the soft Autumn breeze passing over my figure as I lay reclined on a chair that is more comfortable than my bed. This is the good life. I got up early this morning to do my work out, read, the usual. I opened my book "It's Really All About God." It has taken me way too long to finish this book, however every time I read a chunk of pages, I feel the need to sit and think about everything it says... for at least a half hour. I write in my journal and reflect on its contents. Today, this is the quote I took down. "You know you are living the Kingdom kind of life on this earth when you do things you know will not work, and then they do," Dallas Willard. I feel like the quote is so basic, so straightforward, yet I had never taken the time to think this through before. It was a...

"People are what people say they're not. Just like seeing color is the only color you forgot." -I AM BAND Is it better to have no expectations so you cannot be disappointed? Or is it better to have them so you never settle for less? Is it better to be optimistic and see the glass half full-- and often be disappointed? Or is it better to be a pessimist and see the glass half emthy-- and be surprised by the outcome? God is bigger. "Faith sat on the bench beside me. She had been close to me all my life, but that evening, for the first time, I heard her breathing," Samir Selmanovic.

I am an introvert. Actually, according to Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory I am an INFJ. I realized today you can discover a lot about yourself by taking this personality test. Not only can it benefit you in discovering yourself, but it can help you work out your social habits as well. Why am I the girl who would rather stay home and study on a Saturday night then go out to a movie with 10 of my friends? Why would I rather run 5 miles then have a 'girls night' with 5 girls I just met? I'm an introvert. I can't help it. I enjoy solitude. I enjoy peace. I enjoy thinking things through. I enjoy myself. I been finding recently that the trust I find in others grows slimmer everyday. I see the ulterior motives amongst people and it pulls me back even more. I see my friends do it to other people, I can feel it happening to me. Sometimes, on rare occasion, I invest myself deeply in someone just to find that shortly after which, I'm trying to piece myself back together...

Most people don't eat the core of the apple. They get to the seeds and decide that a deer or some wild animal would better enjoy this portion of the fruit. It's one of those things you throw out the window of your car as drive on your way to class in the morning. But have you ever tried to eat the whole thing? It really doesn't taste much different. In fact, it's crunchier, sudden change in texture provides a surprise for the hungry eater. Eat the core next time. I don't think I can remember when I last opened my Bible. I know it had to have been sometime when I was living in California, or shortly upon my return from that place, but I can't put my finger on when it was. When did that happen? When did I let go? When did I step back and decide that this part of my life wasn't a priority anymore? Amongst the excitement of being home, enjoying my major, and paving my future in a direction that I've always dreamed, I've lost sight of the person who g...

Andrews University has their motto that can be found plastered on almost any surface around campus. "Seek. Affirm. Change." As a freshman, sophomore, and junior this phrase was only wasted space in my mind. Now that I'm a Senior, it seems like each part of my experience here needs closure. This saying falls naturally into that same category. Seek. I sought. I sought out four different majors in college. I sought out how it was I wanted to help people. How? By traveling the world and visiting several different countires trying to find how I wanted to fit in during the time that God has given me on this circular globe. Affirm. Affirming what I've discovered? Okay, I guess that makes sense. I have to affirm my beliefs, my efforts, my goals. This makes achieving them a bit more real, a bit less surface. I can do that. Change. Whoa. I like change, it's fun. It keeps you on your toes, you get less bored. However, is there really something in this world of intellec...

Things have changed, drastically. I was gone for almost 6 months and I came back to realize that not only I had changed, but so had the group of people that previously surrounded me. Is it weird to say that I feel like we've all grown up a little bit? We've all seen life in a different way and it seems to beat to a new drum. We have all brought in new perspectives. Friends returned from Europe, Africa, Islands, etc., and we are all back together to take another year of college by the reigns. It feels right. I hadn't realized how unhappy I was until about a week before I left my job in California. I don't know how it happened, but it seemed to get the best of me. I suppose living on a mountain, not really having a 'Sabbath,' no beach for all of Spring/Summer, and other things may have had an impact. But the reality is I missed my home. I missed my freedom. I don't know that I missed 'Michigan,' but I missed going on random adventures with my f...

Who is this person? Who is this character that thinks they can inhabit my body when I'm not paying attention? When did this lack of control become okay? God is tricky. Just when you think you have a grip on exactly who he is, he reminds you that he is more vast than anything you can ever imagine. He is sure to reiterate the fact that his works go far beyond the realms of the cranial cavity we were given. Sometimes it almost feels as if I'm back on track with him again, and then out of nowhere I fall short again. Maybe he's reminding me that I need to keep striving, never settling on what's comfortable. I've lost myself recently. I'm not sure if blogging about it is in my best interest, but at this point it seems to provide a pivot, a pivot for change. There comes a time in life when everything grows dull, it becomes gray. The colors lose their accent and the sharpness behind every image simply becomes a blur. I don't have all the solutions. At this point, I ...

I read an article in a magazine recently that made me question my own ideas on the topic. I suppose this is what writer’s try to do. They want to make the reader think beyond the typical realm of thought. They want to push them to a new place. I fell for it. Here I am, expressing my thoughts once again in the form of inked words on paper. I’m a sucker for analyzing the diagnostic aspects of life. Why I run… I’m not sure why I hadn’t processed these thoughts before. It seems as if when an individual I meet asks me the question in an almost painful tone, (“why do you run?”) my response is almost mechanical. To save the time and possibly sanity of the listening source, I usually respond with something along the lines of “I want to stay fit, it feels good, I love it.” But in my recent runs, I have really put a lot of thought into why I do this activity everyday. Why do I use this form of physical motion to keep my body in its proper gear? Once the list began to formulate in my h...

As a Lutheran living in a Seventh-Day Adventist world, I learn something new about this 'culture' everyday. I was blessed to meet two new people from Loma Linda this weekend. One of them immediately stood out to me due to her nose ring and earrings. My initial reaction was 'I wonder if she's my type?' I don't want to point fingers and say that one belief is better than the other. Never do I mean to intend that in any form in this blog. But I do want to address the concept of reality. Before becoming more serious about my faith and actually exploring Seventh-Day Adventism as an option, I never would have picked out the girl with the earrings and asked her if she was like me. In fact, in most cases (and this still remains), I am the girl with the 5 piercings and bracelets that could almost serve as a sleeve on a cold day. But when did this happen? When did I start to judge people based on their appearance? This is reality. I've started putting people in catego...

I'm reading a new book. Actually I'm reading several new books. But the one I am going to reflect on now is not only insightful, it's thought provoking, penetrating. I set it down every few moments and just pause. I pause to reflect. The author of the book has everything he's ever wanted. The perfect wife, the perfect job, the perfect house, etc. On a day just like any other, he receives news that his wife is suffering from renal failure. In two years, she will have to receive regular dialysis treatments. In a few more years, her kidney will need a replacement. Six weeks after the diagnosis, his wife learns that the prognosis originally stated was incorrect. Her dialysis would start that day. Her life was going to change. The author describes himself as a fighter. He tells of the endless hours of research he devoted himself too. His efforts to find any way he could to guarantee her quality of life were boundless. He did everything he could. It still wasn't enough. Y...

Lately I've been doing a lot of learning. Some people find learning hard while others embrace it with ease. I find myself somewhere in the middle, but ultimately enjoying it. Until recently, I hadn't realized that my education is expanding in ways I had never imagined. This is regardless of the fact that I am not currently enrolled in University. Did I really think that my lack of presence in a lecture hall at 8:00 am or my absence from a science lab at 11:30pm was going to somehow make me "stupider?" Is that even a word? The answer is yes (to the first one). I felt that my time away from a structured college atmosphere was going to set me back, but I know now that I am wrong. It seems as if I am learning almost more outside of the classroom setting. Why then do we pay so much for a textbook, accompanied by a professional teacher who can only serve us from the hours of 8am-5pm (logistically speaking). I am finding that everyday I spend interacting with new people, new...

I ran hard, harder than I've ran in a long time. I threw out the rule book. I didn't watch the clock. I sprinted up each hill, and jogged down them. I ran the first mile as if it were my last, and the last as if it were the last time I had to run in my life. I looked up at the deep blue sky and breathed in the smell of summer. I ran harder when my knees ached. I pushed harder when my breath ran out. I pushed to exceed a limit that I still haven't found. I let go of the rules, the stipulations to proper running. I haven't run like this in months. It felt good, strong, solid. I've missed using running as my outlet. Today, I listened to my heart again. I pushed beyond the sweat, the pain, the distance growing under my feet. My thoughts went free, my heart released itself from what felt like a cage. My lungs filled with fresh air that cleared my head, my mind, my soul.

Do you ever catch yourself waiting for the silence to break, for the bell to ring, for the sounds of the ticking to subside? Then suddenly the bell rings, the silence is filled with noise, the ticking looses its steady beat and finds itself making melodies that not even the deaf would enjoy. You realize then that the waiting wasn't so bad after all. The silence was a gift and the ticking was just the beat of your heart only promoting your mind to be steady and collected. It's interesting how we as humans are continuously wanting something more. Some strive for technological materials, others financial stability, others a new adventure to an exotic place in the world yet left undiscovered. I find myself in the latter of the groups. Amongst the noise or the silence, this passion for something in the future rarely ceases. However, when the day comes that you realize you're content with the way things are at the exact moment in this exact instant, the wants that we previously l...

God is trying to tell me something. I just can't work out what it is.

I remember my senior year of high school. It was an early September morning when the class of 2008 met up in the Chapel at my academy. The small group of us graduating students, who thought we knew everything there was to know, gathered at the front of this chapel in which we had spent many hours. This time, I found a speaker in front of us providing information regarding college. Not really putting much thought into how serious college should be, I naturally put in my application for the local university in which I would coast into with my graduating class. It was when he got to the part about how it was time to pick a “major” to pursue, that my attention not only was grasped, but my thoughts halted. Was it really time to pick what I wanted to do for the rest of my life? Or was it just a joke. Surely, there is no reason why I should have to grow up. It’s too early for this. What really threw me for a loop was when he said these words: “Let God lead your life, be the person he w...

Muir Beach, CA

Wawona Lodge Boys Village- Upper A-Frames

I'm not sure how I feel about blogging. I don't know if publicly sharing my life via the internet is for me. We shall see. I'm currently training to run a half marathon. Not only has this been a goal of mine, I found myself wishing it would somehow happen in the year of 2011. I've set this goal for myself, but until recently, I never truly thought I would attain it. Each day I run, the race grows closer. I can only hope that my body will be a servant and do exactly as I instruct. If it "behaves" per-say, this half marathon will be only a stepping stone to marathons in the future. However, if my knee (which seems to have a mind of its own) decides to give me trouble, this will be the first and possibly last time I will choose to tackle a race such as this. I pray that God gives me the strength to overcome any physical pain and the drive to push harder, run faster, train better, and work to my utmost potential. Am I testing God? No. I'm testing my body. We...

"If a shadow is a two-dimensional projection of the three-dimensional world, then the three-dimensional world as we know it is the projection of the four-dimensional Universe. " —Marcel Duchamp