La Bella Vita

"People are what people say they're not. Just like seeing color is the only color you forgot." -I AM BAND Is it better to have no expectations so you cannot be disappointed? Or is it better to have them so you never settle for less? Is it better to be optimistic and see the glass half full-- and often be disappointed? Or is it better to be a pessimist and see the glass half emthy-- and be surprised by the outcome? God is bigger. "Faith sat on the bench beside me. She had been close to me all my life, but that evening, for the first time, I heard her breathing," Samir Selmanovic.

I am an introvert. Actually, according to Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory I am an INFJ. I realized today you can discover a lot about yourself by taking this personality test. Not only can it benefit you in discovering yourself, but it can help you work out your social habits as well. Why am I the girl who would rather stay home and study on a Saturday night then go out to a movie with 10 of my friends? Why would I rather run 5 miles then have a 'girls night' with 5 girls I just met? I'm an introvert. I can't help it. I enjoy solitude. I enjoy peace. I enjoy thinking things through. I enjoy myself. I been finding recently that the trust I find in others grows slimmer everyday. I see the ulterior motives amongst people and it pulls me back even more. I see my friends do it to other people, I can feel it happening to me. Sometimes, on rare occasion, I invest myself deeply in someone just to find that shortly after which, I'm trying to piece myself back together...

Most people don't eat the core of the apple. They get to the seeds and decide that a deer or some wild animal would better enjoy this portion of the fruit. It's one of those things you throw out the window of your car as drive on your way to class in the morning. But have you ever tried to eat the whole thing? It really doesn't taste much different. In fact, it's crunchier, sudden change in texture provides a surprise for the hungry eater. Eat the core next time. I don't think I can remember when I last opened my Bible. I know it had to have been sometime when I was living in California, or shortly upon my return from that place, but I can't put my finger on when it was. When did that happen? When did I let go? When did I step back and decide that this part of my life wasn't a priority anymore? Amongst the excitement of being home, enjoying my major, and paving my future in a direction that I've always dreamed, I've lost sight of the person who g...

Andrews University has their motto that can be found plastered on almost any surface around campus. "Seek. Affirm. Change." As a freshman, sophomore, and junior this phrase was only wasted space in my mind. Now that I'm a Senior, it seems like each part of my experience here needs closure. This saying falls naturally into that same category. Seek. I sought. I sought out four different majors in college. I sought out how it was I wanted to help people. How? By traveling the world and visiting several different countires trying to find how I wanted to fit in during the time that God has given me on this circular globe. Affirm. Affirming what I've discovered? Okay, I guess that makes sense. I have to affirm my beliefs, my efforts, my goals. This makes achieving them a bit more real, a bit less surface. I can do that. Change. Whoa. I like change, it's fun. It keeps you on your toes, you get less bored. However, is there really something in this world of intellec...

Things have changed, drastically. I was gone for almost 6 months and I came back to realize that not only I had changed, but so had the group of people that previously surrounded me. Is it weird to say that I feel like we've all grown up a little bit? We've all seen life in a different way and it seems to beat to a new drum. We have all brought in new perspectives. Friends returned from Europe, Africa, Islands, etc., and we are all back together to take another year of college by the reigns. It feels right. I hadn't realized how unhappy I was until about a week before I left my job in California. I don't know how it happened, but it seemed to get the best of me. I suppose living on a mountain, not really having a 'Sabbath,' no beach for all of Spring/Summer, and other things may have had an impact. But the reality is I missed my home. I missed my freedom. I don't know that I missed 'Michigan,' but I missed going on random adventures with my f...

Who is this person? Who is this character that thinks they can inhabit my body when I'm not paying attention? When did this lack of control become okay? God is tricky. Just when you think you have a grip on exactly who he is, he reminds you that he is more vast than anything you can ever imagine. He is sure to reiterate the fact that his works go far beyond the realms of the cranial cavity we were given. Sometimes it almost feels as if I'm back on track with him again, and then out of nowhere I fall short again. Maybe he's reminding me that I need to keep striving, never settling on what's comfortable. I've lost myself recently. I'm not sure if blogging about it is in my best interest, but at this point it seems to provide a pivot, a pivot for change. There comes a time in life when everything grows dull, it becomes gray. The colors lose their accent and the sharpness behind every image simply becomes a blur. I don't have all the solutions. At this point, I ...