La Bella Vita

I stepped outside. It was cold, dark, and I was alone. The chills of the fall morning could be felt in every sense of my body. I could smell the dew upon the grass. The bite of the winter air left my mouth dry and crisp, with very little taste. As I took a step further I could see the fog rising around as the ground tried to keep itself warm against the piercing air. I could hear nothing. It was quiet and almost as if every animal knew it’s place at this hour, and it’s place did not encompass being outside. It involved being warm, curled up and relaxed on a horizontal plane, as sleep is more inviting in hours such as these. But here I am, 5am, starting my day, alone. What will I do today? Will I finish the project I had set out on a few days before? Will I finish a good book? Will I run for a few hours? Will today be the day that I try to escape this loneliness? I can’t remember the last time I didn’t feel alone. But I was not by any means feeling remorse or regret, especiall...

I'm sitting on a porch in Tennessee watching the sun come up over the woods. The sun is warm on my albino skin and I can smell a new day mixed with wet grass and fresh air. I can feel the soft Autumn breeze passing over my figure as I lay reclined on a chair that is more comfortable than my bed. This is the good life. I got up early this morning to do my work out, read, the usual. I opened my book "It's Really All About God." It has taken me way too long to finish this book, however every time I read a chunk of pages, I feel the need to sit and think about everything it says... for at least a half hour. I write in my journal and reflect on its contents. Today, this is the quote I took down. "You know you are living the Kingdom kind of life on this earth when you do things you know will not work, and then they do," Dallas Willard. I feel like the quote is so basic, so straightforward, yet I had never taken the time to think this through before. It was a...

"People are what people say they're not. Just like seeing color is the only color you forgot." -I AM BAND Is it better to have no expectations so you cannot be disappointed? Or is it better to have them so you never settle for less? Is it better to be optimistic and see the glass half full-- and often be disappointed? Or is it better to be a pessimist and see the glass half emthy-- and be surprised by the outcome? God is bigger. "Faith sat on the bench beside me. She had been close to me all my life, but that evening, for the first time, I heard her breathing," Samir Selmanovic.

I am an introvert. Actually, according to Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory I am an INFJ. I realized today you can discover a lot about yourself by taking this personality test. Not only can it benefit you in discovering yourself, but it can help you work out your social habits as well. Why am I the girl who would rather stay home and study on a Saturday night then go out to a movie with 10 of my friends? Why would I rather run 5 miles then have a 'girls night' with 5 girls I just met? I'm an introvert. I can't help it. I enjoy solitude. I enjoy peace. I enjoy thinking things through. I enjoy myself. I been finding recently that the trust I find in others grows slimmer everyday. I see the ulterior motives amongst people and it pulls me back even more. I see my friends do it to other people, I can feel it happening to me. Sometimes, on rare occasion, I invest myself deeply in someone just to find that shortly after which, I'm trying to piece myself back together...

Most people don't eat the core of the apple. They get to the seeds and decide that a deer or some wild animal would better enjoy this portion of the fruit. It's one of those things you throw out the window of your car as drive on your way to class in the morning. But have you ever tried to eat the whole thing? It really doesn't taste much different. In fact, it's crunchier, sudden change in texture provides a surprise for the hungry eater. Eat the core next time. I don't think I can remember when I last opened my Bible. I know it had to have been sometime when I was living in California, or shortly upon my return from that place, but I can't put my finger on when it was. When did that happen? When did I let go? When did I step back and decide that this part of my life wasn't a priority anymore? Amongst the excitement of being home, enjoying my major, and paving my future in a direction that I've always dreamed, I've lost sight of the person who g...